VAR is genuinely interested in hearing from both former and current journalists, as well as real academics, whether they are aware of any other journalist or academic in our beloved teapot country who is as puerile and vacuous as Pedzisai Ruhanya.
This is so because the Video Assistant Referee is convinced that Ruhanya (previously referred to as Mukoma Dougie Wailer, and now Dr Dolittle From Zaka) is determined to discredit both academia and journalism — demonstrating that holding a lofty qualification such as a PhD degree does not necessarily reflect intelligence.
In addition to having a creepy fIxation with Simboti, Dr Dolittle From Zaka has two other obsessions: vainly trying to do down the Daily News (including selling embarrassing fibs about the inimitable newspaper’s very public ownership), and desperately trying to shore up the Viper’s fledgling Cult. It has since emerged that both of these stillborn campaigns are apparently meant to cement Copperhead’s support of Dr Dolittle From Zaka’s bid for Parliament on a Cult ticket in next year’s polls.
Yes, even as they claim that there are no VIPs in the Yellow Submarine, Copperhead is already lining up his close associates and buttlickers for parliamentary and other key roles such as mayors of cities ahead of 2023.
Pigs Just Can’t Fly!
But whereas others who previously did the Viper’s bidding as they went after those he dislikes had a bit of cerebrum to at least attempt to aid his sorties, the current campaigns by Dr Dolittle From Zaka in the service of Copperhead are spectacular failures — because outside of his juvenile bravado and lack of manners Ruhanya is, frankly, irredeemably fatheaded.
As VAR has asked before, is there still not even one person in Zimbabwe — a close friend or relative — who is kind enough to tell Dr Dolittle From Zaka that he is very often the butt of bad jokes in both journalistic and academic circles, leading to him being cartooned as the proverbial madman with a whistle, not the respectable academic with a PhD that he so desperately craves to be seen as?
Not for the first time, Dr Dolittle From Zaka thoroughly embarrassed himself this week when he attempted to attack the Daily News on social media over its Monday banner lead which correctly reported that Copperhead had now made himself an absolute monarch and the Jean-Bédel Bokassa of the Cult.
To the disbelief of many, Dr Dolittle From Zaka also lambasted Cult heavyweights for speaking to the paper about the many goings-on in their close corporation, while casting aspersions on the title — all the while never bothering his feeble mind to engage with the substance of what the Daily News had reported on! What kind of academic or former journalist does this?
A wannabe media expert who doesn’t respect the independence of the media, and who thinks that the media are only independent if they support the Viper? Surely, even as ditzy as Dr Dolittle From Zaka is, he too is embarrassed by his patently unenlightened views? And how does Copperhead feel when one of his key advisers is this demonstrably dense?
The likes of Dr Dolittle From Zaka are fortunate that the Editor of the Daily News is such a jolly good fellow who will not hurt a fly. Were VAR in his powerful position, he would tuck into empty vessels like Dr Dolittle From Zaka with a relish and fi nish them off within a week!
Canaries’ Downward Spiral
In the meantime, leading lights within the Cult confirm to VAR that its ructions and contradictions are getting worse by the day, amid a growing sense of despair as 2023 looms.
Which is really not that surprising, given Emperor Bokassa’s style of leadership, politics of vainglory and shocking contempt for erstwhile political allies and long-standing comrades. Indeed, Copperhead would rather have around him two-bit academics like Dr Dolittle From Zaka and useless social media influencers rather than tried and tested opposition stalwarts — which all speaks volumes about who he is at his core.
One insider told VAR that it was currently “a race to the bottom” in the Cult ahead of 2023, reiterating what has long been in the public domain, that the Viper and his zombie toadeaters are so trapped in their deluded belief that he is infallible and God-ordained. Aargh!
Until next Friday, Azishe!
