JUST maybe, there is hope after all for the Canaries and local journalism.
The Video Assistant Referee got this distinct impression while in Harare over the Heroes and Defence Forces holidays, where his interactions with a number of Yellow Submarine high-ups and some notable journalists at their favourite watering holes touched many subjects, including the lot of the Secret Sect and Hornywell (Mr Me, Myself and I Fake Award Winning Non-Journalist a.k.a.
The Cunning Double Agent). VAR was gratified to note during these enlightening engagements that many Cult leaders are ‘woke’ about the unsavoury goings-on in their closed corporation. They also have no illusions about who Hornywell (Mr Me, Myself and I Fake Award Winning Non-Journalist a.k.a. The Cunning Double Agent) really is.
Bull Artist
One very wise Cult bigwig aptly described The Cunning Double Agent as a “sly bulls**t artist” (pardon the direct French quote), for his habitual lies, exaggerations, self-importance and unparalleled capacity to talk unadulterated nonsense. “Please don’t mention that one, you will spoil our evening. He is a sly bulls**t artist who makes a living from misleading the president (Copperhead) nekupedza vanasikana mumovement medu umu.
But his days are numbered as everyone now knows who he is,” the Yellow Submarine top gun said. Similarly, and later on, a miffed veteran newspaperman — a hard-nosed real scribe — called the Fake Award-Winning Non-Journalist a “journalistic con of note”.
“What surprises me the most is that there are still people in this country, including some politicians, who actually think that this fellow is a journalist. “He is a journalistic con of note and Zimbabwe’s own version of Sean Hannity (a notorious conservative political commentator in America),” the retired hack said.
Damn Lies & Nonsense
All the above notwithstanding, one must still give it to Hornywell (Mr Me, Myself and I Fake Award Winning Non-Journalist a.k.a. The Cunning Double Agent) for his unparalleled capacity to reinvent himself, stir shit, lie and spread horse manure on the Internet. Social media consumers will remember the following gem, for example, which he posted on Twitter in 2017 at the time of the coup which ousted former president Robert Mugabe from power — when Mr Me, Myself and I was still a reliable running dog of the Red Devils.
“Breaking: Just got this from a high level official and former Vice President Mnangagwa’s close aide. “Gideon Gono the former Central Bank Governor and Daily News owner has been found with US$8 million cash at his home, Robert Mugabe had US$8 billion, Finance minister Chombo has US$10 million, Youth league chairman Chipanga had US$20 million.”
So the other fugitive ministers like Mzembi & Zhuwawo are being vigorously pursued,” he said ‘authoritatively’ then. Except that this was all barefaced lies and top-grade nonsense — just like he continues to propagate to naive Copperhead and his gullible Mazizi to this day. Indeed, and for the benefit of the retards who imbibed this holy crap from this serial liar, the respectable former RBZ governor, Dr G Gono (he really is a very good man even as some people continue to misunderstand him), never ever owned the Daily News. He was also never found with the claimed US$8 million cash at his home. It also requires no further elucidation that Mugabe, for all his sins, was never found with the staggering US$8 billion that Hornywell (Mr Me, Myself and I Fake Award Winning Non-Journalist a.k.a. The Cunning Double Agent) brazenly lied about … and so forth (in Hon Temba Mliswa’s distinct voice!).
Hopeless Advisor
VAR must admit that there was a time when he attempted to count the number of times Hornywell -The Cunning Double Agent would spread his nonsense on Sosho every day of the week. He gave up. Still, Copperhead dutifully continues to drink from this poisoned well — to his detriment. This past week, Horny was insulting everyone around the Viper, including Mazizi, while also urging him to, well, do nothing going forward. “@nelsonchamisa must not risk his life for a cowardly, selfish and talkative citizenry that won’t come to assist not because it can’t, but because it is simply selfish. “Even the fat cat activists are as useless, loads of talk, no action. Aiwa mucha muka,” he wrote on Twitter. VAR really pities Copperhead.
Until next week, Azishe!