“ 80 percent of people are stupid through no fault of their own … You can’t reason someone out of stupidity” (Copyright: Mai Jukwa 2022).
VAR is 100 percent convinced that the often surprisingly ingenious Mai Jukwa partly had Luke Tamborinyoka a.k.a. Ditzy Ruka (The Cult’s Unwanted And Now Fictional Deputy Champion For Presidential Affairs) in mind when he conjured this idiomatic gem.
For those readers who may not know who the obscure Ruka is, he is a one-time so-so hack who served an unremarkable, brief stint with the Daily News during the newspaper’s infancy, before ending up as a dreadfully incompetent mouthpiece for the much-loved late founding father of the MDC, Morgan Tsvangirai.
Boy, did Jamwanda run rings around this useless amateur! So bad was he as an aspirant spin doctor that Copperhead quickly, and rightly so, discarded the sluggard as his PR head when he took over from Save as the new Chinja boss — notwithstanding the fact that Ditzy Ruka (The Cult’s Unwanted And Now Fictional Deputy Champion For Presidential Affairs) had played a significant, albeit controversial role in that succession.
Poor Ruka
Everyone in the Cult knows that the Viper continues to have very little regard for Ditzy Ruka, his legendary ineptitude and poor work ethic, which is why he was initially assigned the phantom position of deputy secretary for presidential affairs just to manage internal party politics. But even this make-believe title has since practically fallen away.
So, today Poor Ruka has absolutely nothing in the Cult. No salary, no position, no office, no love from anyone, no prospects and no hope of ever being accommodated anywhere as the 2023 polls beckon. As a result, concerned Yellow Submarine insiders describe the broken-spirited poor chap as terribly depressed — almost to the point of being suicidal.
Which probably explains why Ditzy Ruka (The Cult’s Unwanted And Now Fictional Deputy Champion For Presidential Affairs) has lately been hallucinating at higher levels about many things — including the state of Zimbabwe’s media, and delusions to the effect that folks at the Daily News miss him. Shame man.
Ruka Seeing Apparitions According to the heresy of fallen angel Ruka — who is in the spooky habit of invoking the names of dead people, as he desperately seeks to turn his fortunes around, all privately-owned media in Zim are captured. For this appalling mendacity, Ditzy Ruka will not be spared scrutiny by VAR from now onwards.
The simple principle here is that those who love dishing it out to others should be prepared to receive similar attention in kind — especially when they peddle fl agrant lies about the Daily News, its editorial policy and very public ownership, as Ruka did on an online rag last week.
The Incontrovertible Truth
Despite the malice of Ditzy Ruka (The Cult’s Unwanted And Now Fictional Deputy Champion For Presidential Affairs), he and the whole of the Cult know that media access has never been one of their major challenges.
Remember dear readers how Copperhead has — among many other decrees over the past year — forbidden all his lieutenants, except one slay queen, from talking to the media about the Cult. Even at his rallies, it is only the Viper who speaks. This means that any issues that the Cult may be having with the media are entirely self-inflected. Of course, many leading lights of the Yellow Submarine still speak to the media every day confidentially — often to brief journalists about the goings-on in their party.
Copperhead also only ever sanctions interviews by his underlyings if he thinks that this will portray him in good light. When this is not guaranteed, then the interviews won’t happen. This has seen the Yellow Submarine not being able to set news agendas, and to influence and contribute to national debates in the majority of media offerings available in the country.
This is the truth about the Canaries and the local media, and not the tripe that is being bandied about by unthinking zombies like Ditzy Ruka, that they are not being afforded space in mainstream media like the Daily News and new national television station 3Ktv.
VAR has all the V11s on these incontrovertible facts and will release them should the Cult continue to lie that these outlets do not want to cover them. This is a promise.
Until next Friday, Azishe!